


The Voice of Your Eyes

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Romance, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-08-10
Updated: 2007-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-27 13:03:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12081594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Bri/Jus alternate reunion after Ethan.





	The Voice of Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

He'd seen Justin at the diner earlier that day. This wasn't particularly unusual. He'd go in, sit down, avoid eye contact with him, and pretend that he was barely aware of Justin's presence. Every time he didn't look at him, it was like he was spending the last few moments of his life waiting for a bus. It felt like a waste, something he needed to stay alive just beyond his outstretched fingertips. Justin's eyes bore into the back of Brian's neck. Brian constantly caught Justin looking at him, as if daring him to ask him to come back, only to be rejected again. Because he wasn't enough. Brian wasn't enough to make Justin happy.

***

He'd strode out of the diner without a nod to anyone. He had to get out of there, and he was aware of Justin staring at him on his way out. He'd stopped by the CD store on his way home, and carried a bag of David Gray, Rufus Wainwright, Dave Matthews... all those pussy men that Brian found humiliatingly comforting. Partially because their music was beautiful. Mostly because Justin had put their CDs on loop for hours at a time while he made Brian dinner.

Brian thew his weight against the sliding door and wrenched it open. He tossed the bag of CDs onto the counter nearby and removed his scarf before he even noticed the flash of movement in the "living room" (Though it was really all one big room). Justin was sitting on the couch, with his feet up on the coffee table. His hands were clasped together in his lap and he was gazing nervously at Brian.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Brian said softly, but coarsely. 

_"waiting for you."_ Brian practically heard the words out loud. But that was a different time. Justin no longer yearned for him that way. No longer needed him that way.

"I wanted to talk to you." 

"Why?" Brian wondered what there was left to say. "I thought that we were over. There wasn't anything left worth saving, right?" 

"That's rather harsh, Brian" Justin said.

"Yeah, well, that's life, isn't it?" Brian pulled off his coat and threw it forcefully over the couch on which Justin was sitting, before striding away. "Things happen, people change, you change with them, and then they get bored, and they leave, as they rightfully should, but you're left with the new you that you don't know what to do with. Yeah, rather harsh."

"Brian, I'm sorry things happened the way they did." 

"Don't be. You did what made you happy. It's what I taught you to do."

"But I didn't mean for you to get hurt-"

"Who says I'm hurt?" Brian scoffed. "I can survive on my own. I did it before you, since you were learning your fucking alphabet, and I've been doing it ever since. Besides, it's like I said, like you said, life's rather harsh. I learned that and learned to cope with it a long time ago."

Justin was silent. He stared at Brian, scrutinizing him. 

"Wow. You're really fucked up, Brian."

Brian laughed cynically, incredulously. "You're just figuring this out now? I thought you of all people would be perceptive enough to know that the moment you laid eyes on me, it's what you were trying to fix all that time."

It was clear that Justin was surprised at the sudden openness with which Brian was displaying his pain. 

"I never wanted to change you, Brian! And yeah, I knew you were fucked up, but it made you you, and otherwise I would have never fallen for you, if you'd been some weekend-golfer breeder replica." 

"No, you fell for the untamable beast. The challenge. But, as usual, the challenge was too challenging, and you took on something with a few less pieces to reassemble, because I was just a little too fucked up. Isn't that right?" 

"No, Brian, I-" 

"I mean, who could blame you?Of course, it doesn't hurt that there was a dreamy-eyed back up who had everything, boho-chic, talent, promises, pretty words-"

"But you had my heart, Brian!" 

Despite his reckless habit of wearing his heart on his sleeve, it was clear that even justin hadn't meant to reveal this much. Brian felt like he'd been blindsided by a freight truck. He stared at the counter. 

"What else did you need? I mean, what else was I supposed to give you, in exchange for a kind word, for a reason to believe you wanted me here? For assurance that you really did love me?"

"Justin" Brian said softly. "Love's a word."

"Among other things." 

"So," Brian started quietly, cautiously, "Would you rather I had said it every day, rather than showing you in any way? Is that what we were missing? A word?"

"All I wanted was to know that I was worth saying it." Justin pleaded for Brian to understand. "That's all. And the fact that I wasn't worth the one-syllable word slipping from your mouth, it made me wonder how important I was to you at all. Whether or not I was a placeholder. A variable. And you never said I wasn't."

"Words are worth shit, Justin. You should know that by now."

"So did it mean nothing to you when I said it?" Justin pursed his lips, fragile. 

Brian forgot to breathe for a moment. "What?"

"How many times did I tell you I loved you? And if words mean nothing, then did it mean nothing to you? Did you scoff at my naivety every time, while I held my breath hoping that it was OK with you that I said it?It meant nothing??" 

"It meant plenty!" Brian almost shouted.

"Why?"

"Because I believed you. Because you backed it up, you proved it every day. And I did my best to make it up to you, and I thought I showed you rather than having to say some bullshit hallmark limerick because there aren't words that sum it up so neatly with a little bow, not even 'love'." By now, Brian was full-on yelling with anger. "I thought that if I could just take care of you, and give everything for you and feel happy for you, and hold you the right way, that maybe you'd get an idea. But it wasn't enough! I wasn't enough, so you left!" Justin stared at Brian, bore straight through him with those intense blue eyes. But Brian couldn't stop himself from yelling. "So what the hell else do you want? Heart-shaped boxes of chocolates? Violin music? It doesn't mean shit, but if that's what you want, then you know what, it's just as well that you ran off with the fiddler. Let Brian take care of himself, he's good enough at it, let him get used to thinking that someone's on to him, not going to fall for his self-preserving, not-letting-another-heart-touch-his bullshit, make him feel worth something for a change, then kick him to the curb, because as fascinating as he is, he's just not enough, he's-"

Justin had suddenly pressed his lips fiercely to Brian's. He kissed Brian hard, hard as he could. There was a brief pause when he pulled away to gauge Brian's reaction, but it didn't take Brian long to lunge at Justin, covering Justin's lips with his own. Justin felt the slight vibration as Brian groaned softly into his mouth.Their tongues tangled in each other as they grabbed every inch of each other's bodies they could. Brian felt completely out of control, exactly the feeling that he had feared and avoided so long. His life had faded to black and white in the months when Justin was gone, and in this moment it was as if the world had burst into full-blown technicolour. Every inch of him burned. He felt his hard-on pressing against his jeans and Justin's thigh. He could tell Justin felt it too as his hands found their way to Brian's fly and messed with it until it was fully undone and Justin's hand plunged into Brian's pants. The kiss was interrupted as Brian's mouth erupted into a deep gasp, and he grabbed Justin's bulging package through his jeans and relished Justin's boyish moan against his lips. They were both making intensely incoherent sounds at every movement, every touch. Brian yanked Justin down by the back of his neck, and followed him down to the floor until they were both kneeling. Lips still locked, Brian unzipped Justin's fly and pulled them down to his knees, and formed a fist around the young throbbing cock. He gave it a few pumps simply for the feeling of Justin gasping and moaning into his mouth. He laid him down on the floor, and, temporarily breaking contact, sat back on his heels to yank Justin's pants all the way off, then grab a nearby (always nearby) condom and packet of lube, and prepare himself. In the moment they'd broken apart, things seemed to slow down a bit, though they still ached for each other unbearably. Brian ran his tongue from Justin's bellybutton all the way to his jaw. Justin whimpered, begging.

"Brian" he whispered raggedly, "Now. God, it has to be now." He begged, kissing the side of Brian's face. Brian's breath became heavier, and he obeyed, plunging into Justin, causing them both to cry out. The next several minutes were a blur of moans. A grab of Brian's arm. heat. Brian dropping his forehead on Justin's chest, groans, breaths, lackthereof, until not before long, Justin yelled out, shooting all over his chest and contracting his muscles around Brian's cock, driving Brian crazy before he too exploded into Justin. They rode out the waves of electicity until everything became blurry and Brian collapsed onto Justin's chest, both of them gasping for air.

The silence that ensued was deafening, filled with all the words Justin had been waiting to hear. Brian knew it, too. It was moments like these where they both felt like they shared the same thoughts, that they could read each other's minds. 

After a few minutes, Justin broke the silence with a faint chuckle. Brian lifted his head to look at him, their noses almost touching. 

"Ok, ok..." Justin gazed into Brian's hazel eyes, reading what he had read a million times before, but only now did something in him understand.

"I believe you." 

What seemed imminent, but what he was determined to put off was the drama that would ensue this revelation. What Justin had failed to mention was that Ethan, as of a week before, was ancient history. But they'd get to that.

_I do not know what it is about you that closes and opens,_  
_Only something in me understands,_  
_The voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses,_  
_And no one, not even the rain, has such small hands._

_-E.E. Cummings_   


 


End file.
